First of all, I would like to thank everybody who has been supporting me, my family, friends, colleagues and the most important, the people who helped me get this blog up and online, the Baylor Teen Club Staff. You guys’ encouragement has put me this far, and because of you, I will move forward. From the bottom of my heart, I thank all of you…
I want to talk to you about something I have been asked before, something that most people do think about when it comes to someone who is HIV positive, something that is “supposedly normal” but yet risky and a handful, RELATIONSHIPS. Yes, relationships.
Many people have asked, “Do you have a girlfriend?” and my answer changed quite a few times. In a month I would answer yes, no and maybe because I wanted to keep it private, keep it to myself for one reason: people are snoopy. When you have something good going, there will be someone out there trying to ruin it and for that reason, I try to keep my relationship life away from everybody. So often I give confusing answers to that question of, “Do you have a girlfriend?” But in actual fact, my relationships have been very, well, bumpy and rocky.
I started dating at the age of 16! I wanted a healthy relationship, but I was unfortunate because I would fall for older ladies. My first girlfriend was 19, I mean, what did I think, she would in some time want someone mature, her age. But I had hope. We went for a safe and healthy 7months, but after that, things started getting weird, less text messages, less checking up on each other and for some reason, she did not want to see me anymore. I got my investigation going on and found out that she was seeing another guy, a guy who was 21. Wow! That day, things hit me hard as to why she opted for an older guy. I asked myself the question of, “why did she not tell me I am too young for her at first?” I felt I was in love with this girl; otherwise I would not have been the way I was about her. We broke up and she told me she really did love me despite her cheating on me…
I went for about a month without talking to anyone, and by then, my age caught up to 17. I did not involve myself in any relationship; I felt I was not ready. So what I did was flirt around and nothing more. Some of the girls I flirted with fell for me, but I couldn’t be with them because of my situation, I did myself justice by at least telling them what I was going through and for most they understood. It was really hard. I stayed for the whole of year 17 not in a relationship, and then at 18, I decided, I will not find a girl to love, but still flirt around. Was I being childish and not wanting to move on? No! I was just looking out for myself.
At 18 though, unexpectedly, I found this girl, who was also older than me, 2 years older. We started talking and talking and before I could tell her how I feel, she told me that I should not think me and her would ever be in relationship as she is older. I kept quiet about it, I was ignoring it. After about 6months still talking to this girl, I told myself, no, she must at least know how I feel, whether she accepts it or not, I had to tell her. So in August, 2011, I expressed my feeling to this girl. On 2nd September, we went out for movies and I suddenly I heard her tell me that she loves me, too and wants us to be in a relationship. I was shocked; this was the same girl who was telling me a few months back that she and I will not be, wow! So we went on it and dated. The relationship still goes on, I am hoping for the better with it, nothing to come in between.
This will be continued, Thato Chris Ramotswe will be back with Part 2 on relationships.